26th August 2011

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Sad fox

Sometimes a little fox can hide a lot of damage in its little bushy tail and big bright eyes. 

Foxes don’t have sad eyes like puppies do. 

Puppies have it easy. They are easy to love, easy to forgive, easy to please. Puppies are desirable and conventional and so cuddly. 

Foxes steal, deceive compulsively, and are suspicious business to deal with. They have the courage to sneak around behind your back but will never amass enough to tell you how they feel the way puppies can do so naturally.

Foxes are cute too, if you think about it. But you have to think hard. Foxes don’t have the baby face that puppies easily embody. Foxes sometimes have awkward ears and are all angles and gangles and can’t fit comfortably in your arms.

Foxes have dreams, too, but rarely have the means to chase after them. You feed your puppy sordid dried kibble but the fox has to chase after its own gerbils. Gerbils reproduce like crazy but not when they’re dead. :(

Then these dreams go crazy. Foxes may not really need any of this to feel fulfilled but they will think they do. The repression of these dreams makes them sublimate in the foxes’ big bright eyes. And then they do not think they can exist if they don’t get what they are so sure they want.

Like all of us, foxes feel very sad when their dreams don’t come true. But because they usually don’t get anything and frequently fail, they are good at pretending they are happy with eating gerbils when they really want to eat bunnies. 

You should try to love a fox, really. You might need to wrap it in your sweatshirt before you cuddle with it because it is so awkwardly built and will not perch in your arms appropriately. Sometimes you may need to feed it when it is in a bad mood because it will be most disagreeable.

And you need to love it with a strong fist because it is inherently a shifty creature. That’s how it survived. Gerbils don’t trot straight into foxholes, after all. You’ll need to stop fantasizing about that puppy you never got and protect your fox especially because they are illegal in the state of California.

It is integral for you to accept that while the fox screws over a lot of things in the process of its manipulation and maintains an irritating victim complex, if you love it correctly and love it well it will learn the ways of the world and turn into a good fox (but never a perfect puppy). Rest assured you will still love it.

You will appreciate, one day, that your fox provides you with intelligent company and keeps you intrigued with its astonishing perspicaciousness. You remember that last puppy and how it won your affections by doing dumb things that made you laugh and you feel momentarily embarrassed that your preferences were once so elementary. 

THEN YOUR NEIGHBORS PUPPIES GET BIGGER TURN INTO BIG DOGS THAT KILL FOXES LIKE IN THE DISNEY MOVIE AAAH