17th July 2011

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Hella irked and crabby

damn I’ll keep it short, no attention span and a big project to work on due in seventeen hours. It’ll only take eight. But I’d like to sleep. I don’t think this post is like any others because I’m actually giving out shoutouts, but whatever, nobody I know reads this. Random teenagers in Helsinki need to go study calculus and stop creeping blogs so personal of people they do not even know; there is no universal moral or advice in this treasure trove of bullshit.

What have I been up to? Past two months I’ve been out of school. Sort of. There was one week of sheer adventure and job interviews, Tiburon Beach, Fry’s, Ranch 99, movie after movie after movie (seriously… Pirates, Xmen, Hangover 2). I wasn’t at home for a minute. That was the life.

Then school started a week after school ended yeah gmfg. Work started. Good bye to summer, hello 9-6 9-6 9-6 9-6 9-6 days… and there was still a little adventure though. Melissa was living with me. I’d see my friends. I didn’t have drama with any of those nubcakes. Angela was still visiting every week or so.

Boys? Meh I don’t want to sound jaded but I feel like arbitrary hooking up is better fit to my schedule and my own selfishness as of now. You don’t want him to stick around? GTFO I want my shower to myself! I want the whole bed! Leave my panda alone! Please never bring your shit to my house again! Although no, I am never like that—-I’ve been living alone all summer since my roommates aren’t around and am desperately lonely for company. Enter promiscuity.

Now that there’s work with the compulsory 20 hours of studio outside of class, that really is about 35-40 hours if you account for the fact that you can NOT work productively for magnificent stretches of time unless you’re a fucking cyborg and then what the hell do you need a degree for anyways, life is infinitely shittier. I have to seriously make an effort to see my friends and even then when I see them we are all so cranky that we just get on each other’s nerves.

Except Kathy, but the only time I get to see her is when we both go to the gym. It is an excuse to socialize but really it is for our health and sanity. I <3 Kathy.

Anyway I just really needed to vent. So what is wrong with my life?

-Overburdened by work, no free time to chill the fuck out. Which means essentially that I am unproductive, sleep deprived, look like shit, have to go several days without shaving my legs which seriously limits my wardrobe options, usually my head hair looks like shit too as does my skin. YEAH I am fucking shallow and YEAH it depresses me when I try to webcam whore from photobooth for my Google+ account (which I vastly prefer over Facebook namely for the narcissistic reason that I can post whatever bullshit links I want without having to read anybody else’s or comment or interact with anyone else. It’s like posting gChat statuses all over the place like I’m on fucking steroids just because I can. And I do) and I can’t find a good angle, lighting, or anything in which I look good even when I have makeup on because I just don’t look good these days. Depression

-Lost resistance to alcohol and inability to smoke as often as I’d like. Mostly this is an inability to function the next day if I don’t sleep enough after engaging in certain recreational activities involving these substances but yeah I can’t be late to work because I can’t wake up except to tell them I’m not coming, thats bullshit. Even though my boss is never there.

-One of the current boytoys is equally acting like bullshit. This is a continuation of an episode from fallish semester ish all winter ish too fucking long for that bullshit but at least it used to be fun. I don’t know if it’s because I no longer have emotional attachments to this boy or because he’s gotten so slutty that sex is no longer even fun for him but he’s such a buzzkill in the sack. First of all, he doesn’t kiss me. If I try to kiss him he puts absolutely no effort or muscle energy into kissing me back. IT’S YOUR MOUTH, SON. IF IT ISN’T TOO HARD TO TALK IT ISN’T HARD TO KISS, AND IF YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO KISS ME GTFO OF MY BED. Secondly, he’s gotten excruciatingly lazy in every other way and I am finding it very irksome. The actual crux of everything, his sluttiness has helped him improve, but the fucking bread and lettuce and tomatoes of the burger are complete bullshit. I honestly would rather sit alone in a dark room with a meth addict on a dingy mattress watching episodes of Archer than spend time with him if he continues to be like this, but unfortunately…

-THERE IS NO ONE AROUND OVER SUMMER. I cannot replace him. I cannot find other friends to entertain myself. I have been doused in the same boring nutjobs over and over and we are all getting on each others nerves. How hard is it for a girl to MEET PEOPLE!! I miss one of my close friends who is currently living in Oakland. I could visit her but weekend trips are hard to arrange when so much shit is going on all the time. Might go next week. :)

-EVEN IF THERE WERE PEOPLE, I have no time to spend with them. And no desire. I’ve become very horribly antisocial where I just want to be behind my computer screen doing nothing. Except probably online window shopping. Eff.

-My bangs look like shit in that they are SIMULTANEOUSLY BOTH too long and too short, and so they just look like shit. I did a better job with them with that damn $1 Daiso razor comb. I think I will put them away for the rest of forever. Nasty ass crap.

The ridiculousness of this post is supposed to put my life in perspective. I mean, nothing is that bad about all this. but then I just remember that my teacher keeps calling me out for having shitty perspective views that I just get flustered and angry and want to cut a bitch all over again.