15th December 2011

Post with 1 note

sigh

This semester’s been rough. Several times over the last few months I’ve received jolt-like episodes of acute nausea and headaches, starting, conveniently, the afternoon of my first day of classes. I feel like I’ve been randomly crying multiple times a week when for the rest of my twenty years it was less frequently even than annually (yeah emotionally constipated i know) and somehow, it’s not making me feel better or fixing anything. I don’t know why people cry it’s a useless fucking waste of time that also makes you temporarily ugly. 

I have to wonder what I’m being punished for. Emoness aside and shit, I’ll think about it logically. I’m a very nice girl. I think the Bible said “The good man brings good things out of the good stored in his heart,” and obviously I am an imperfect person and occasionally succumb to temptation, but I try hard to take care of those important to me and avoid hurting anyone. Yeah you can say that I am privileged and have a good life and any problems I encounter are trivial at best compared to the magnitude of other issues occurring around the world but that doesn’t change the tangible and definite impact they are having on my life. Everything from sleep to friendships to academic attendance is suffering (thankfully, academics otherwise are solid… bursts of hard work saved my ass). 

I’m definitely not depressed or anything like that. Especially because it’s the same impetus that causes this shittiness every time. I know in part I am making it worse for myself, but come on, I already knew I was shortsighted and immature.

Good night world, gonna write a final paper. Hope I get to sleep at some point tonight.