February 2012
1 post
Concrete and Gold
I almost never tumble anymore. In my head I sense the pressure of time, like a ticking clock rapping at my skull, but that’s really just an excuse—for the therapeutic capabilities of getting your thoughts out, at the cost of only the duration it takes to write this, it is invaluable. I think a bigger problem I’ve been suffering from is a lack of a lucid connection with myself; namely,...
December 2011
3 posts
o.o
Interesting realization… I only dress up for people I really, really, head-over-heels (to borrow from the cauldron of clichés) like. Because I want them to notice, remember, and think a few days later, damn that was a cute skirt. Damn her legs looked good in that cute skirt, or whatever. I really can’t be bothered doing that for other people, even people I semi-like or am trying to...
sigh
This semester’s been rough. Several times over the last few months I’ve received jolt-like episodes of acute nausea and headaches, starting, conveniently, the afternoon of my first day of classes. I feel like I’ve been randomly crying multiple times a week when for the rest of my twenty years it was less frequently even than annually (yeah emotionally constipated i know) and...
The Snake and the Ninja
The heater’s running but the bedposts reverberate louder: the ninja’s outside.
It screeches to a halt.
Turn, thud, click, its whip slides swiftly off—-helmet in hands and
She’s there.
Chills pepper her bare shoulders from a force more compelling than windy drafts.
He follows a step off rhythm; blurred vision.
Ignoring the heightened awareness of every fiber in his...
November 2011
2 posts
:/
Until recently I wasn’t aware how stressful the state of dissatisfaction can be. Unbearable situations are one thing but just-below-par situations are, in a way, worse… at least with unbearable situations you have a definite answer to your question: You need to get your shit together and change. And probability wise, things are more likely to improve than degenerate.
But when...
October 2011
3 posts
my dog's almost 8 years old. this is how he came...
me (anywhere between 5 and 12 years old): Can we get a puppy?
Parents: No.
me: Why!
Parents: None of your friends have dogs... they aren't easy to take care of. Nobody we know has a dog.
me: Can I get a Nintendo?
Parents: No.
me: Every other family besides us owns some form of video games.
Parents: ... that's different... no... doesn't count...
me: >:)
bye steve jobs :/
Kind of unconventional post but as an inside-and-out Cupertino kid, I’ll feel better once it’s out. Here are some splendid quotes I discovered on Facebook.
“Three apples changed the world. The first one seduced Eve, the second one fell on Newton, and the third was offered to the world half bitten by Steve Jobs.”
and one more:
“The world has lost a visionary....
September 2011
1 post
my heart hurts today
It won’t stop, I don’t even remember last time it was like this but I want to say two years ago must have been similar. I compounded all my poor judgment and decisions into a minor explosion and have worked up a fever in stress, but I feel like reflecting, because I know it won’t go away anytime soon and I might as well make sure it goes away for the right reason.
Even just...
August 2011
1 post
Sad fox
Sometimes a little fox can hide a lot of damage in its little bushy tail and big bright eyes.
Foxes don’t have sad eyes like puppies do.
Puppies have it easy. They are easy to love, easy to forgive, easy to please. Puppies are desirable and conventional and so cuddly.
Foxes steal, deceive compulsively, and are suspicious business to deal with. They have the courage to sneak around...
July 2011
1 post
Hella irked and crabby
damn I’ll keep it short, no attention span and a big project to work on due in seventeen hours. It’ll only take eight. But I’d like to sleep. I don’t think this post is like any others because I’m actually giving out shoutouts, but whatever, nobody I know reads this. Random teenagers in Helsinki need to go study calculus and stop creeping blogs so personal of people...
April 2011
3 posts
20% is two thirds of the way to failure
This week’s life score: 2/10
I feel like my ego has caused a lot of problems, making me belligerent, uncooperative, emotional, and incapable of dealing with minor setbacks. And also somewhat unhealthily obsessive.
Also, I have been unmotivated, probably burnt out from stress, and developed a volatile temperament.
In response I have become physiologically retarded. No, I don’t cry...
God and Pizza
You see, at dining halls, I am that girl.
No, not that “that girl,” the one who is too inebriated to get herself home, throws up all over everything, and lands herself in precariously dangerous situations weekend after weekend but gets by scot-free because so many people grudgingly take care of her each time. I am not the medically stupid daredevil, if you will.
Nope; I’m the...
New challenge.
The internet bombards you with conflicting advice. But sometimes you see something and think, man, this stuff is for real. (LOL I almost got tricked by Google Motion but then the video gave it away—-what kind of normal person wants to do lunges to write an email? Is that truly more effectual?)
Somewhere, though, I read: “The worse you feel, the better you should dress.” This...
March 2011
1 post
Architecture projects
Background: I was collaging cross sections of the East Asian library side staircase. (Draw a line right through the middle of this picture):
Me: Marelyn, what do you think the inside of a trash can would look like?
Marelyn: Disgusting.
Me: Nooo! Like a clean one. Structurally, what’s inside?
Marelyn: Oscar the Grouch.
February 2011
8 posts
“You cannot live life to please others, the choice must be yours; because when...”
–
Alice in Wonderland
A Chinese Proverb
says “Vacations are not about ‘getting away,’ but about getting in ‘touch.’” DAMN! It piqued my interest that anyone from a conservatively-cultured Asian country would say something so brazen. Same way thinking about the Kama Sutra makes me want to stop thinking about the Kama Sutra because it doesn’t make any sense that the India I know could support...
Frequency
of my blogging? Getting to be too much. I just scanned my archives and realized I’ve posted more in this month (yes, it’s only the 7th), than I did in October/November/December combined.
And obviously because of my pro memory I calculated that this tendency takes hold during dissatisfactory stretches of time. Not trying or turbulent times; I’ve been blessed enough to have...
Queen of Apology - The Sounds
This was my...
back to square one
Everything is an adjustment.
Anyway, this is one I will embrace. Time to go back to those engineering buildings, dressed cute, and let the magic happen with the EECS boys of my dreams. Just like I intended that fateful day when somebody stopped me.
LOL full circle. I appreciate this about my life.
I’ll plan it for Thursday.
Hey hey, what's next Monday?
I hate the idea of wearing black on Valentine’s Day to denote your single, fuck-life attitude towards the holiday. Yes, it’s become commercialized, unromantic through corporate culture, whatever, but if you really didn’t care you wouldn’t even realize what was going on once February 14 rolled around. You most certainly would not remember to wear black—all you fools do is...
January 2011
4 posts
“With every destination you encounter, there is someone willing to give their...”
–
-Graffiti in VLSB bathrooms
WatchThe way watching this video made me feel gives me hope that I am not a jaded soul after all!
Causerie
Do you think the world would function if everyone contributed to society through an occupation in which they felt the most passion? It’d be beautiful if we could fully expect to spend the rest of our lives doing something we enjoyed. Yet a healthy dose of realism pushes the responsibilities of financial security onto our already overloaded backs, lame :c. And then we have to reframe our...
December 2010
4 posts
things that pleased me this week
1. The rush of hot air onto your belly when you are wearing a dress and standing with your back to a heating vent
2. The certain phenomenon just when the light turns green—the first few cars are slow and then everything gets faster and faster and faster. that shit be mind blowing
3. The stilted moment when the cashier looks at your credit card and realizes you told her a fake name
4. The way...
Settling Down
Everyone probably noticed that Facebook changed! As I was trying to figure it out and recalibrate my social media skills as per the new format, I discovered that the photo link has been relocated. The narcissist inside me proceeded to click through all my tagged pictures since the beginning of time (almost four years worth of them…).
But I stopped around… January of this year, because...
November 2010
1 post
Perspectives of an Egalitarian
There is something depressing about the notion that undergraduate lectures only manage to capture a quarter of the potential concentration available in the room. This afternoon, I sat in class looking at my toes and pondering my previous night’s dream about transferring to the University of Rhode Island and not getting along with my imaginary new roommate. And this is one of my favorite...
October 2010
1 post
“I’m not young enough to know everything.”
– Oscar Wilde
September 2010
3 posts
Perspective
Written nearly four years ago, first published in Psychology Today:
Peer judgments may be supremely influential in today’s world. Traditionally, teens mixed more with adults and extended family, so they received feedback on their mate value from their clan as much as from their clique. But today teens are schooled and socialized in lockstep, creating an unprecedented separation from...
All Those Blinking Lights
September 17. What was I up to a year ago? My memory of 2009 is flawless; of course I remember. Just about at this time, too, I had relinquished my will to finish The Turn of the Screw (a horribly creepy novel, in my opinion) and wandered off onto the balcony. Thoughts were streaming, swelling, and serpentining through my head but all I could do was seduce the pavement seven floors below by...
From "Sex and the Ivy"
And you know, there’s definitely a difference when I’m dating White people who don’t fetishize me. When I’ve dated or hooked up with guys who don’t have any discernible dating patterns, they don’t make remarks about me that are specific to things that have to do with my race. They don’t tell me that Eastern religion is so “peaceful”, expecting to me to understand their New Agey ...
August 2010
3 posts
Defiance
Thirteen months ago, I recall swiveling atop a bar stool by the counter at the Saratoga Peet’s. The noise had been irking the boy next to me, a fairly attractive family friend who had devoted his afternoon to dishing out freshman-at-Cal advice, for the entire two hours we’d spent so far.
(Yes, I could have asked my sister, but we are sufficiently different that I anticipated that...
The Egg
This short story is straight out of my Facebook “favorite quotes,” but I thought it was too beautiful of an idea to receive only a little readership. It was written by Andy Weir, I think recently, but it’s been all over the internet and completely impossible to truly date. Let me know what you think!
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing...
“People never get the flowers while they can still smell them.”
–
Kanye West
July 2010
7 posts
A Peter Pan Complex: Year In Review
When I was three, one hundred was the largest conceivable number in my mind. I thought my family was living the high life when my dad told me he had a hundred pennies in the box on the kitchen counter. I was equally shocked to discover there were almost that many dalmatian puppies running about London, and I especially recall trying to persuade my grandmother to achieve centenarian status...
“Whenever some blowhard starts talking about the anonymity of the suburbs, or the...”
– -Kevin Arnold, The Wonder Years
No doubt the most sincere coming-of-age TV series of all time. As a toddler I called this boy “Kevin dada” (Marathi for older brother) and, rewatching it, I’ve fallen in love with how closely I identify with his character. I always wanted an...
Wow. I love my mommy.
Me: I’m coming home Friday morning, not tomorrow. I have econ office hours 6-9 tomorrow.
Mom: Okay. I will pick you up at Fremont.
Me: I might go to sf in between my job and office hours and get shoes.
Mom: Sure.
Me: So i hate monta vista. I shall tell you the story about it later.
Mom: Why
Me: Tell you later!
Mom: Is it about people
Me: Always
Mom: OK. Those are immature people. Don’t waste your time. Buy shoes.
Me: Yeahhh definitely. Yay!
Mom: Ok. That is a better use of your time. :)
Later…
Mom: I have I Spy books from the library. I think they will solve all your problems. :)
1 tag
Do you have a friend like this?
I’m awake at 1:14 eating a slice of wheat bread with nothing. Why? This morning I woke up with painfully low blood sugar and am trying to avoid that tomorrow (and in conjunction, not being able to go to my one class due to nausea).
But then I was thinking. I looked to my left and saw a box of clothing my close friend had left in our apartment to keep there until she moved into her own....
Searchlight
Just remembered that was the dog’s name in Stone Fox, a children’s book I read for school in third grade. Ten years later, for some reason, I can’t even remember the plot or the main character’s first name (Will? I looked it up just now and it’s Willy. Close!)
It doesn’t surprise me that I’ve forgotten. Think about what we do remember about life. Could...
June 2010
2 posts
Summer '09, Eccentricity
J: FML I'm out of my Cocaine Puffs! What do I eat now?
G: Heroin Nut Cheerios
J: Eff that, I'd rather have my Honey Bunches of Opium. But I'm out of that too! :(
G: :c What about...
J: Frosted Mini Weed? No.
G: Perhaps some Acid Jacks?
J: Captain Crack!
Adaptation
“Moving out of the dorms is an adjustment.” The sagelike voice of my small group leader echoed in my head while I wheeled a precarious cartful of blankets, hangers, books, and clothing—topped by a microwave on the verge of falling—towards my family’s silver sedan.
I shoved suitcases along invisible gridlines as though I was playing Tetris to make everything fit into the tiny...
May 2010
1 post
Turn On Me - The Shins
Listen very carefully to...